


i hate you, i love you

by jaem4joy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, BadBoy!Jaemin, M/M, Pining, idk how to tag, nerd!renjun, protect renjun pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21581809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaem4joy/pseuds/jaem4joy
Summary: in which huang renjun hates na jaemin, but the line between hate and love is often blurred
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 112





	i hate you, i love you

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my second work on ao3, but my first work for the nct fandom so pls be nice ^~^
> 
> renmin is my fav nct dream ship so i just had to write something for them, inspired by gnash's i hate u i love u
> 
> enjoy~

huang renjun hates na jaemin. he hates the na jaemin who is the token bad boy of their university, the boy that rides a motorcycle to school everyday, the boy who doesn’t publicly associate with anyone outside his clique of popular friends, the boy who skips classes to hang out with those friends, the boy who catches the eye of everyone in their university and even out on the streets, the boy who breaks people's hearts when he rejects their heartfelt confessions... renjun could go on and on about why he hates na jaemin so much, but he knows that the number one reason as to why he hates na jaemin so much is simply because he's hopelessly and utterly in love with na jaemin, and that jaemin is completely oblivious to this fact.

renjun knows that there is a fine line between hate and love, and that this line is often blurred; but the one thing he is sure of is that that line hasn’t blurred for him. he does, indeed, hate na jaemin with a passion, but he also loves na jaemin with his whole heart. his close friends who know how he feels for jaemin all wonder: how can he both hate and love the same person at the same time? they tell him that in stories with the classic enemies to lovers trope, the main characters only think they hate each other when they actually love each other, they have never both hated and loved each other at the same time. however, the one difference between those fictional stories and the very real story of him and jaemin that renjun’s friends do not know is that, contrary to popular belief, the both of them weren’t enemies at all, they actually used to be best friends, from what seemed like an eternity ago to renjun.

no one in their university knows that renjun and jaemin used to be best friends, not even both their friend groups, and that’s because while jaemin was the popular business school student and had the whole school worshipping at his feet, renjun was the complete opposite. he was the shy and hardworking fine arts student who always stayed away from any attention and only stuck close to his friends in school, or as jaemin’s new friends called him, a “nerd”. of course, jaemin never called renjun a nerd in his own words before, never did anything to hurt him, but little did he know, the very fact that he did not want anyone in school knowing that they were best friends had already hurt renjun. this is why renjun hates jaemin, but only the jaemin that he saw in school.

the jaemin that renjun loves is the jaemin who had been neighbours with him since they were kids, the jaemin who came over to his house everyday and played with him, the jaemin he cuddled with during their weekly sleepovers, the jaemin who laughed at every joke he made, even if they weren’t funny at all, the jaemin who promised to stay with renjun no matter how old they were or how different they grew up to be… just as renjun could make a whole list of the reasons why he hates jaemin, he could make an even longer list of the reasons why he loves jaemin, just that they were two very different sides of jaemin.

renjun doesn’t even know when he fell in love with jaemin, in their seven years of being best friends. the only thing he knew in the moment jaemin knocked on his door to introduce himself as renjun’s new neighbour while flashing the dazzling smile of his that could put the actual sun to shame, was that jaemin was pretty. jaemin was so pretty that renjun started questioning his sexuality, because before jaemin came along, he thought he liked girls because that was the normal thing to do, but he found himself not averse to the thought of dating jaemin or a guy in general. and just like that, thirteen years old renjun had his gay awakening in the form of jaemin. however, that wasn’t the moment renjun fell in love with jaemin. it was during their many years of friendship, somewhere between their study sessions, movie nights and sleepovers, all of which somehow always ended up in jaemin cooking for renjun if their parents weren't home, then falling asleep while cuddling each other, when renjun realised that he didn’t want to spend a day without jaemin by his side, that he really wouldn’t know what to do with himself if jaemin stops being friends with him one day. and so, he hid his feelings for jaemin deep down within him, and reminded himself that being best friends with jaemin is better than confessing his true feelings and ruining their friendship.

renjun handled it pretty well until they both entered university, because suddenly jaemin was the school’s most popular guy because of his looks, and renjun was just a nobody compared to him, he had nothing special about him to deserve to be noticed like jaemin was. due to his newfound popularity, jaemin found new friends, and as renjun soon discovered, even a new personality. when it all first started, jaemin had told renjun that he didn’t want anyone in school to know about their friendship, so renjun hung back and found his own group of friends. he would do anything for jaemin, as long as he was still the jaemin he grew up with and loved when he returned home to him.

when university first started, they were still best friends, with their usual study sessions, movie nights and sleepovers, but only in the comfort of their own homes, and never out in public where anyone from school could see the school’s most popular bad boy hanging out and having fun with the school’s nerd.

however, as time passed, renjun found himself hating the side of jaemin that he chose to show everyone in school, the jaemin that rode a motorcycle to keep up his bad boy act, the jaemin that pretended he didn’t have feelings and rejected confessions left and right, the jaemin who started cancelling their plans to hang out with his cooler friends, and he especially hated the jaemin who suddenly told him that it would be better if they stopped being friends altogether, and cut off contact with renjun completely without ever giving him a proper reason. the worst thing about this was that jaemin did it all through text messages, not even bothering to tell him this face to face.

in hindsight, renjun was thankful that jaemin didn’t do it face to face, because all he did after receiving that damned message was stuff his face into his pillow and cry, and oh boy, renjun cried the entire night until his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and his face was sticky with his own tears. he was so sure that jaemin could’ve heard him cry the entire time if he were actually at home for once, and for a moment, renjun let himself wonder if jaemin felt his heart break just like he broke renjun’s when he ended their friendship like it was just a burden to him, and for the second time that night, renjun drowned in the tears streaming down his face. sure, he felt pathetic for crying so much over one broken friendship, but jaemin was the one friend that renjun expected to grow old with, the only boy renjun ever truly loved, and jaemin broke his heart, so renjun allowed himself to cry until he had no tears left to cry.

renjun blames it all on jaemin’s fucking dazzling smile that had everyone smitten with him at first sight. maybe if jaemin wasn’t so beautiful, him and jaemin would still be best friends. maybe if jaemin didn’t goddamn fucking outshine the actual sun, jaemin would be his someday. now jaemin had everything he could ever dream of, without renjun to hold him back, and renjun was left with nothing, he lost the one person he ever wanted.

huang renjun hates na jaemin, because after all the pain jaemin put him through, renjun knows he should hate jaemin, and he really did try, but how can he hate the only person who ever made him feel complete? huang renjun hates na jaemin; he hates jaemin for giving up on their friendship, he hates jaemin for letting him go without a proper explanation, he hates jaemin for being able to move on while he’s still stuck in their past, but most of all, he hates jaemin for being so fucking amazing yet so fucking stupid, because jaemin had renjun’s whole heart in his hands and he broke it like it meant nothing to him.

huang renjun hates na jaemin. he hates that he still loves jaemin, and he probably will for a long time, even if jaemin wants nothing to do with him ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> and that's a wrap! i might write a second part in jaemin's pov if y'all liked this one and are curious about jaemin's pov, but thank you all for reading!! all kudos and comments are appreciated!


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